Informazioni notizie e comodità

per vivere meglio. Online dal 1998


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a cura di Marco Dal Negro

Italiano -English
N.B.: Different languages can express different contents.

To have sex or make love

Having sex or making love are two very different things.
When you have sex you are more on your own, when you make love you are together.

In the first case, chances are that you are just seeking your own pleasure, that you are only worried to receive, to feel and to get pleasure, here and now, without worrying a bit about the person next to you, most of the times important only as a pleasure dispenser. The results are loneliness and lack of communication.

Making love, on the other hand, means getting pleasure together as in a dialogue rather than in two monologues.

To have sex you don't need any intimacy, you can do it anyway getting a little bit of pleasure and that's all. And when I say a little bit I really mean a little, compared to the pleasure you can get by making love.

Intimacy is an important part of making love, it means approaching each other with more trust, aware that you are sharing something, that you are exploring together what you are doing, without criticizing and judging if the person next to you is capable or willing to give all the pleasure that we are entitled to and we want.

Intimacy means staying together bacause we want to and because together we feel good, wishing to make your partner feel good as you do. Again, it means sharing. And if your partner hasn't done exactly what you expected, it's going to be you that helps her/him. You that guides her/him without grudge and without feeling deprived of anything, because if both partners have the same approach neither of them will have been consciously selfish.

Knowing this, you will be free from anxiety and in a lot more relaxed situation, resulting in a much better performance and in a more intense enjoyment of what is happening to you.

Pleasure comes from emotions. And by stimulating some nerve endings makes you live fantastic moments. But if you do without emotions, leaving only nerve stimulation, you miss 80% of the pleasure.

Those who think that pleasure is just physical stimulation, even expert stimulation, have never felt what we are talking about, they don't even know what we are talking about. Too bad for them.
The pleasure of making love rather than having sex is there for everyone, being easier to reach than you think: it's a matter of approach of how and why you are going to do what you are going to do.

Marco Dal Negro