N.B.: Different languages can express different contents  -  (Italiano  English)


My balance

It often happens that we live our lives in a way that is distant, if not opposite, to our harmonic way, to our essence, the deepest one, less modifiable, the most structural part of us. The comprehension of the essence of ourselves isnít easy, especially when a contrasting aspects coexist among them, maybe to the point that the presence of one part makes it difficult for the other parts.

 Yet, itís always possible to find a balance, also by giving up something of ourselves, as long as it isnít the most important thing. Living then becomes much better.Careful though, there are certain aspects that we can and must change, others that we can but we donít necessarily have to, and others that, even if we wanted to, we could never change.Balance is also periodic. Each person has different balances depending on the period of his or her life. There are some of our components that in certain period are particularly sacrificed, no matter what the reason may be. Our system will look for a balance in this situation, but that doesnít mean that it will be everlasting. It can be that after a certain period, our being canít stand it anymore and needs to change.

Probably satisfying what was sacrificed up to that moment. At this point, itís easy to find oneself in front of a kind of law of the pendulum, the need of what previously sacrificed emerges in a particularly strong way. Stronger than what it would have normally been for us, creating even more unbalanced than the one that caused it. We should be the ones trying to re-balance things, but to do so, first of all we need to understand what has happened. So itís advisable to get in the habit of thinking, of trying to understand ourselves. "Know yourself" isnít a useless nor a stock phrase, even though we certainly canít spend all our time only doing that.

This may have happened to many people. At the end of a love affair or a friendship, one ask oneself "How could I have fallen in love with this person?", "What did I see in them?", "I donít understand!" We really canít understand what truly fascinated us in that moment, because it isnít it like that anymore. Then, often at this point, these situations can become very serious for us and others. But how did we get to this point? How could all this happen?

First of all we must understand that, during the relationship, we all have changed. This goes for everybody. When we met the person in question, we had a certain needs, basic and periodical (they aren't the same thing), and our own ideas. Basic are the structural lifelong needs. Periodical are those needs tied to definite moments of our life and change, which can change with time.

For example people, who spend a dynamic period, need some tranquillity, After a lot of sociality, the need to stay at home, and after variety and risk, peace and security. And after a boring and repeatitive period, they need unexpected circumstances. After dedicating time to others, they possibly need to dedicate time to themselves and so on. When we are overwhelmed by something, the neglected need rises again stronger then it normally is, cancelling also basic needs which will become dominant later on. A person that fits well because of how they are made in certain moment, could be absolutely inadequate in another one.

It is, therefore, important to understand what period we are in, what are the things we need, and to know if they are important only in this period or if they will be forever. To understand which are the our real basic necessities, we must first understand how we are. After that, we can do whatever we want as we want to. Living, enjoying ourselves, but without the idea that itíll last a lifetime if it doesnít respond to our basic needs, because the delusion well be certain and could involve other people, who have nothing to do with it and towards whom we are responsible.

We must always be suspicious of excessive generalized strictness, because in reality it isnít human nor possible, not even for who tolerates it. Usually the more rigidity is imposed, much less is applied to those important things, by the one who proposed it. I believe that there is someone who is honestly strict with himself as with others, but I donít believe itís the right choice. We werenít born to suffer!

No, thereís no reason for believing so. If somebody absolutely wants to, itís his or her choice, but I think itís immoral. It is truly immoral, wanting to take others, convince them, forcing them in a way more or less direct or indirect or insidious, or with blackmail, to make them follow your way.

Life can be joyful, more lively, more positive, and better to live. I think we all have the right to try and live it in a better way. Problems, pains, grieves, are all part of the package, but they arenít the only components of it. Some try to give pain and sadness because...they have their own problems. They have rancorous, rage, envy, sadness, mistrust, failures, insecurity and they try to make other people live badly, just like they do.

On the other hand, it seems to me righteous and moral, bringing and spreading among us positively, good, joy finding out how to solve the existing problems, not by inventing other ones, perhaps impossible to solve, in order that even the others may have their failure. So weíll be even. Each one with our failure.

Instead of renouncing, trying to bring others to give up like us, we can look for other ways to live; by finding the strength within ourselves and not by making other people lose it.

Marco Dal Negro